I feel pathetic. Useless. Needy. Too dependent.

Validation. I need validation. For my existence. For what i feel. Validation to know that this is normal. That im just human, thus the feelings. I have not received any kind of validation for a long while. I have been living off of other people's goals for a long while now. I umm... i dunno... some kind of sincere appreciation would be nice... by sincere i mean... maybe an explanation that i could accept... maybe try to change my mind about how i feel about myself... i know. It's so dependent. I'm so dependent on other people for my happiness. I've been trying to make things right by myself. It has not been as fulfilling as when coming from the brains of others... because from others, i know that i have not staged it, i have not manipulated it. It means more, coming from others. It has more value, especially if coming from someone i look up to... that maybe someone understands the effort i am putting into things... maybe someone understands that my life is not easy for me... and how i think too much of things, maybe someone would understand that. Maybe someone could understand that work is my escape pod, and see it from the ground.
It's tiring, waiting for someone who could understand... ive been crying often, lately. I wish i could communicate my loneliness without talking. Because talking renders it meaningless... you cannot put intensity into words. I wish i could connect with someone easily.