ever since i came to CFAD, i could already feel the pressure of being the only one in my whole family to do so. and the pressure is, i say, immense. my mother's family mostly work for banks, or take up CPA or accounting, or take other courses but end up in banks and law offices anyway. my dad's side, they studied in xavier and lasalle. i think it was only in my generation that some studied in ust, mostly taking up business- or science- or engineering-related courses. i have a cousin there who studied fine arts but left after 1 year. so, i'm the only one who actually took this course seriously, and who would like to graduate with a BS Fine Arts Major in Advertising Arts. and given the chance, i'd like to have a masteral degree, and a second major (if in the phils, maybe psychology; if in another country, i'd love criminology or aeronautics or archeology... such dreams...) so, to conclude everything, these people have successful money-laden lives, while i'm still trotting the trot and i can't even see the road before me.
and now that i'm starting to actually fulfill my dreams (not to mention that i'm already in my third year in this course), i'm getting all sissy. i'm scared that i might not fulfill the expectations they have for me, which might result in something like rejection. i'm scared that i won't pass this course, which makes me a friggin failure. i'm scared that they would think that i'm wasting the efforts of my already geriatric parents, and that would make me look like an ingrata. i'm scared because i have some nephews who call themselves "frustrated artists", and it might seem that i was given the chance but did not cherish it, and it should have been theirs.
i feel like backing out. i'm scared. i'm so f***ing scared right now.