I can't help it. It feels empty inside.
The little victories are nice and all, but altogether fleeting...

Feeling every bit insecure. Every bit not enough...
I'm looking at people from my vantage point and everyone seems to have happy, perfect, full lives with friends and family and just... you know, they find comfort easily, thus finding their "homes" easily too.
I still yearn to go home.
Why does it seem like i don't have this connection that other people can easily experience?
Do i isolate myself too much?
I'm well aware that i am not at all special. Beyond that... i don't know. You have special people finding other special people to bond with. Mediocre people with mediocre people too. And actually, there's no special or mediocre, thus everyone finds someone, somewhere, someday.
So i... i dunno what the future holds for me but at the moment, i feel very alone. Like as much as i want to make friends or be sociable or be approachable or interesting yada yada... like all of that is not in me. Like i could superficially try but at the end of the day i'd just feel like i am being a traitor. And i won't be able to continuously do it anyway.
I wonder where that connection is. I need it too...