just suddenly missing you and your quiet presence.

imagining easy conversations. or non-conversations. maybe more of the latter.

wondering how you're faring. but not brave enough to ask.

Feeling very alone. I don't know if i could keep living this. I feel like people misunderstand my outside composure as... reliance, youngness, innocence, unpleasant fragility. I feel like maybe they're afraid that i will burden them further. I feel like they don't think i experience normal human emotions.
I don't know where to start forging my own path. I don't even know where i want to go yet. But being so far down the shared road... i feel like anything else would be a waste of time.

Everything feels dead.
Like, if i were made to choose between life and death, i would have no problem choosing death. It doesn't feel different anyway.
I'm old enough to be a mom - though i don't want to be one - and yet here i'm still looking for a purpose. A friend is mourning the loss of her child already and here all i ever do is... game? Attend to what someone else needs?
I feel so fenced off from the world.