Just not finding anything new... nothing holds happiness or learning as much as anything did before.
Now im just bored. Busy but stagnant. Fading away and not using that time for something meaningful.
I dont wanna go out with anyone, friends or fam, because im a cynic. It's hard to say the right things or act the right way when you don't know what you need to do those for.
If my parents die, or if 1 of them dies, im gonna feel 3 things: grief, relief, and the graduated feeling of losing half of your life purpose. And eventually the whole of it.
It's the only thing to happen that im waiting for, but at the same time, im definitely not looking forward to it. It makes me anxious, even though it is clear in my head that it's inevitable. I wonder how things will be. I wonder how empty i would become. I wonder what else could push me to go back to "being human".
Now im just bored. Busy but stagnant. Fading away and not using that time for something meaningful.
I dont wanna go out with anyone, friends or fam, because im a cynic. It's hard to say the right things or act the right way when you don't know what you need to do those for.
If my parents die, or if 1 of them dies, im gonna feel 3 things: grief, relief, and the graduated feeling of losing half of your life purpose. And eventually the whole of it.
It's the only thing to happen that im waiting for, but at the same time, im definitely not looking forward to it. It makes me anxious, even though it is clear in my head that it's inevitable. I wonder how things will be. I wonder how empty i would become. I wonder what else could push me to go back to "being human".