is there still any meaning to life when you find that you don't need anything anymore?

"need" being a symbol of the totality of... gosh this is hard to explain. lol

"need" symbolizing everything you have/want in your life. everything.

need to share. need for food. need for friends. need for love. need TO love. need to teach. need to learn. need to reach out. need to sleep. need to drink. need to help. need to...

need to need.

kinda makes us sound demanding lol

but again,

this need. all these needs.

even the need to sleep.

what if it just came to you like it was a totally involuntary thing?
you know how we need to eat/sleep/drink to be able to live.
but what if somehow it became like a totally normal thing, a totally uncontrollable thing.
at 8pm you go to sleep.
at 3am (prolly) you wake up to pee.
at 8am you wake up and do your morning stuff, bathe eat whatever else.
at 12nn you eat lunch.
at 3pm you have a snack.
at 6pm you have dinner.
at 8pm you go to sleep.
and... all of that, as something routine. something you cannot control. something you do without having to think. something your instincts tell you to do and you cannot go against.

while in between these times, you have all the freedom to do what you want.
oh you could kill yourself if you want to.

but is this still called life?

i suppose if it comes to summin like this, "life" would become, in itself, your "suicide".
IF you have no other needs to dawdle on.
"suicide" becomes the only... description, of your "life".

there is a difference between what you perceive yourself to be, who you really are, and how people see you.

and as much as i wish to be the fast moving assassin with secrets to keep, in real life, i am just another human being creating a fantastical image of myself.

in truth, well, i'm not really clumsy as fuck, and i believe my reflexes are pretty fast, maybe kinda fast, but the way i perceive myself might still be light years away from who i really am.

so... yeah. grounded. must keep grounded.

and then, there's the question of, what if thinking of yourself as smart means that you're dumb?

i think i read that somewhere, or maybe something with the same context.

so where exactly does "humility" end, and where does "being self-aware" belong, and where does "boastfulness" begin?

i need to be enlightened.

Blog. Hai.

Oo. Minsan hinahanap ko din yung male companion ko. Di ko pa nga alam kung sino sya. At kung sakali e iniintay nya rin ba ko.
As in di ko talaga sya kilala.
Nakakapagod din mag-intay ah. Di mo alam kung kelan dadating. Actually, di mo alam kung may dadating ba. At tipo mo ba sya o andyan lang sya para punan ang pwesto ng pagiging partner boyfriend asawa mo.
Gusto ko rin po siya makilala. Di ko alam kung handa na ko o kung kelan pa ko magiging handa. Pero gusto ko sya makilala. Para meron din akong rason para magising tuwing umaga...

So i'm nuts again. This is the feeling i missed so much. But it will be gone soon. "He" will be gone soon. Oh wait. He won't. But my stupidity will be gone soon. Yep. And i will miss it once again.

Where the heck is he?? Or maybe he doesn't exist, just like this one doesn't. They're the same sort. Someone you dream of but cannot have anyway. Well, maybe in some realms. Lol. Dream on.