I don't even know why I'm doing this to myself.

Well, I'm not actually doing anything, but I wonder why I'm attracted to you. You're mostly not my type. You're not skinny. You're not young or artistic. You're... well, you're from a totally different profession. And giving orders is not a problem for you. You don't have good wrist shape, or good hands, or lean arms. And the more you talk, the more I'm sure that you're homosexual.

But I don't know. You seem to belly something else. (Pardon the pun.) I think you'd make a good mentor. Mm... and I think you're a sweet person beneath all that. Although you are really quite extravagant. Too extravagant for my taste, in fact.

I think I am just revelling in the assumption that someone actually trusts me enough to entrust errands on me.

I think I did a partly good job. Somehow.

And I feel like I'm not just some sort of long time furniture in the room because you actually acknowledge my presence.

I appreciate that a lot. Like, you have no idea how much.

I know I can't really talk so much in front of new people, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't notice, or that I'm being aloof... and you somehow see that.

Thank you.

I think I will just leave it at that.

I continue to embarass myself. Haha. Hahahahaha!
Ah. But I deserve no pity. At least that's what I feel most of the time.
Besides, it's been proven again and again that my opinions suck. And that I never learn. And no matter how many times I get e,barassed and eat my own words, it will still keep happening, I will still keep doing it.
I really should just shut up. I can't seem to change the way my brain is wired. Ot's like it's natural for me to judge, and fail at it. Haha! I want to believe that I have some brains but, well, been disappointed too many times now. I should just let that go.
What else? Looks like nothing's left.

Can someone just tell me that I am okay for them and I don't need to change anything and i have worth and i am beautiful and i am perfect as is and i am kind and i will always have a place in their hearts romantically or platonically because i just want a little acceptance and a little somethin to hook my existence to and not just something like i need to live to spread the word well jesus fuck i'm so tired and just so full of shit i wish someone would just tell me im doing things the right way good job dear you have earned the right to be recognized

Thats all thank you

No i just want to cry and make people understand why im being such a nagger and a nosy rat because they will just see the amount of words and the way i spout things but they will never keep it in their heads that im trying to wake them up because they think and maybe theyre right to think that im also as deep in sleep as they are

Someone help me please. Anyone. Give me a little meaning.