YOU BROKE MY HEART AND HAPPINESS YOU PIECE OF SPAM! DAMN YOU! T_T

personal stuff. personal stuff. personal stuff.

personal personal personal stuuuuuff.

the bogey monster is trying to get me through kind words, laughable expressions and inexplicable emotions *ehem*.

and i almost fell for it until i remembered my past.

yeah. same demographics, same personality. i think i got the wrong impression again.

hai. much ado for nothing.

i have to stop assuming. it will make me sadder if i find out otherwise.

this is the sort of thing that needs time and real responses. but i see responses in things that are meant to be single, unaccounted, unsupported statements. sad. so sad.

stagnant little twerp.

my head flows with... ideas and concepts and sequences and happenings and... and stuff like that. the sort you might find in mushy movies.

it feels good to have some purpose in one's life. and not the religious type. as in something that will actually present itself to you saying "i'm here! come and get me! but before you do, you have to use your brains and brawn and whatnot!" teasing, but real.

hmm hmm...

something to think ab- no. something i learned about. my ninja radar is verrrry useful.

i... erm... confused.

yes. i'm confused.

did i get that right? O_o

if i did, then... HELL. OH MY GRIFFIN FOD. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. AHAHAHA.

if i didn't, then... oh well. let's see.

why is everyone so superficial and yet they cannot admit to being superficial? jeez!

it's good that i have sorta learned to overcome this sort of superficiality. i know that i get curious, and i answer to that curiosity. but if i don't like what i see, then i don't. if i do, then i stay, no matter how stupid or cheesy or out of trend it is.

why? coz i'm happy with it! simple!

if i'm not happy with it then i'll just leave it be, rather than suffer while it lasts. and it takes double the effort to stay, coz it means doing something you hate and showing a happy face instead of the real one.

i don't think i need to waste my energy and efforts on somethings so shallow, in the same way that i enjoy deep pools rather than just splashing around on shallow waters.

... feels like i'm waiting for nothing. like i'm asking for something that cannot be given to me.

what a drag.

not much fanfare for a fair-weathered day.

not much love for a tender-hearted prey.

not much beauty in a saddened fey.

not much, not much for a depressed May.

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now. (Don't tell us who it is.)

1. Eps ka. Mejo feeling ka nga talaga.
2. Bat pa kasi kita nakilala?
3. Sana maintindihan mo kung bakit ako nabubuwisit sayo.
4. OI! RETREAT! :D
5. Please heal me... :'(
6. Tama na pagiging warfreak. Hahaha!
7. Give me some freedom please.
8. Pwede wag na tayo magpeke-an? Di naman kita pinepeke e.
9. Miss ko na kayo!
10. Baduy. Wahahaha!

Nine things about yourself:

1. I'm diabetic.
2. I'm slightly "sensitive".
3. I would love to be a rockstar if given the chance and if I had the voice XD
4. Galit ako sa malandi at T.H. at social climber.
5. Confessed nerd/geek XDDD
6. I learn most by experiencing.
7. Di ako kikay at ayoko ng pabango.
8. Worst fear: insects.
9. I'm a critic but I don't voice out my opinions much.

Eight ways to win your heart:

1. CATS R WIN
2. Effortless pero nakakatawa
3. Open-minded
4. Must know his limits.
5. Not materialistic. Yung tama lang.
6. Not... err... eager to have kids. Hahaha.
7. Doesn't believe in following traditional Chinese customs. Di talaga tayo magkakasundo nyan XD
8. Most likely an artist. Or at least has a bit of an artist in himself.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Life in the future.
2. Philosophical questions.
3. Games? Lol.
4. Imaginary sequences of my life.
5. Him. Hehe.
6. My religious status.
7. How people see me.

Six little stupid things you want to happen to you before you die:

1. I want to be shot with a gun. Bwahaha.
2. Bungee jump.
3. I'd like to fly a plane.
4. I'd like to own 20-50 cats XD
5. Eat 1 gallon of ice cream to substitute for 3 meals XD
6. Get lost. Woohoo best adventure.

Five turn offs: (Teka... nakasulat na to dun sa About me ah. Haha.)

1. Malandi.
2. Invades too much personal space.
3. Maporma.
4. Makwenta.
5. Stiff when it comes to rules or personal opinions.

Four turn ons:

1. Loves cats. Ulit. XD
2. Simple.
3. Cool, as in hindi panicky. Laidback attitude.
4. Hindi fake.

Three smilies that describe your life:

1. :D
2. :|
3. :(

Two things you wish you never did:

1. I wish I didn't enter Advertising.
2. La na kong maisip for now. Haha.

One confession:

1. I'm lazy. Lolz.

blah blah. tired. meron bang tao o nilalang o makinarya na marunong umintindi ng taong walang sinasabi? kailangan ko ata nun. di ako marunong magpahiwatig sa salita eh.

oooookay. i am CONFUSED.

i'm happy but sad at the same time. coz that's the way you treat everyone. and i thought it was just me. heh. i was expecting too much.

-------------

i'm scared for my mom. every time i look at her while she sleeps, the question creeps into my head: "what will happen in the very near future?" now, you're weak and such an ass with your opinions. i love you and hate you for it. but what will happen when you're old and much more weak in the future?

i can't answer the question. all i can think of is crying. i don't know how i'll be able to live 2 lives at the same time.

HELP ME MATHAAARRRR!!! XD

what's with people doing something just to gain attention? i myself admit to doing this sometimes, but doing it "for a living"?

get a life.

TOO FRIENDLY. not right. intimidating.

amffffness talaga. nagugulat ako sa mga nalalaman ko.

whattabunchanerds. THE NERDS. literal. syet.

and i have sorta bumped into one of them nung 4th yr retreat. omaygad. this is... like... scary.

NO, freaky is NOT the right word lol.

parang sorta predicted na pala itong pagkakakilanlan, but i had no idea that it was already a prediction. and yet, right now, i'm thinking waaaaaay too ahead of time and possibilities. ganito pala ang pakiramdam pag marunong ka magpredict ng future. it's sorta fun but at the same time, it's scary. but then, kung alam mo nang nakakpredict ka ng future, nakakatakot pa kaya yung mga gantong realizations? siguro di na.

i must get used to, or learn, about ongoing predictions and premonitions. and i must not be surprised.

besides, matanda na sya, at most likely magsing-batch nga sila.

but it just... i dunno...

i find it weird. i find him weird. and then this guy is weird. heh. weirdness in full circle.

pffffft...

i have butterflies... no, more like eagles, maybe pterodactyls if they still exist... in my stomach.

"tenchu"

wahahaha. tsk. lakas impluwensya. talaga bang sakin galing un? o baka sadyang kakaiba lang tong taong to kaya ko napapansin?

baka katulad lang sya nung bukaw na yun. baka mali talaga to.

... and my heart skipped a beat, then went beating with 20 times more speed. a smile etched itself into my face, and i'm no longer bitter. i'm no longer feeling unenthusiastic. i no longer feel "wrong".


why?

we're slowly changing, evolving. but we don't notice it.

see how much emotion we're trying to put in words? those smileys? those audiobooks?

yeah. that's part of it.

syet. scary results.

don't ask or expect too much. put your agony, sadness, love, hate and joy in blogs. in terms. in words. in limits.

it will kill you if you keep trying to tread on tracks not yet paved.

you don't know ANYTHING about me. but i'm quite willing to expose myself to you. and yet you don't know that i am.

face it, self: you are no more than a new friend. a new ONLINE friend at that. so shut your brain and "stick it up your face-powder." might do you some good to quit being naive.

the love of my life is probably a cat. or the loves of my life are in cats. hahaha. no matter. i can keep loving them for all they care.

i wish i were a hidden treasure. i don't give a fuck if i'm hidden. as long as i know that i'm a treasure. that i have enough value to make people drop tears when they see me. but i'm just your average maria in a damn blunt world.

maybe if i provide the tip that the world needs, then i might be considered a treasure.

u don't know... u have no idea at all... about how u made me feel weird when i got home and read that.

that was WAY TOO WEIRD.

is there a connection of some sort? oh men. this is totally wrong.