Do people understand it when i want to get out of interactions? That it's because i'm trying to make use of whatever time and energy is left for myself?

There's not a lot left everyday. All my time is devoted to something. Something else.

I'm fucking tired and... i can't wait for a time when i don't have to worry about anything anymore.

We went to a resto today to buy take out food, and the saleslady there is chatty and became mums friend. She asked me how i was and im not sure how to answer. Just ok. May lovelife na raw ba. She asks this all the time. I said none. Mom interjected that i work mon to sat, and sundays for grocery/with fam. She says oh, wala naman palang oras.

And im so thankful that someone sees that. Because even with friends, i feel like they can't. I feel like they think my life is easy and free and im just lazy and selfish. Im not. Im fucking not. And im not, thats why i need this leftover free time to myself. Because i have no other time to spare for anyone else. Im sorry and i hope they understand that. Because im honestly not sure how else to explain this other than sounding like a self important bitch.

I've been feeling... not relaxed, for some weeks now. Err.. is antsy the word? I gotta search.
Wish you were here, and wish you could just hold me steady. A hug would be really great right now. I also just miss you in general. I also wonder how you're doing. You've been quiet for weeks. Hope you and your fam are ok.