...hmm...

maybe my emotional reactions arent quite trained yet to respond correctly to situations so embarassing my head couldn't even think a thought.

then again, maybe im also too forgiving to let that one go.

and flattered/exasperated as i am at that time, my skin still felt no recognition of gooseflesh or the reddening of my cheeks.

what on earth is my sensory system doing?

is there a reason for me to get mad at the world?

well guess what, i have all the reasons.

i can very much relate to Tessa Wells from the book Rosary Girls. The author/murderer's viewpoint of her is something of a loner trying to belong to a circle of friends. i think i am like that because at other times, i am clearly left out. im not blaming my friends for this. im not putting any responsibility towards them about not 'seeing' me or sumthing. i think its all because i just dont belong to their group of interest. there are times when i think that it would be best for me to become a hermit of some sort. obviously that would mean cutting out all my contact to the outside world, but then i also cant keep away from computers and the internet. if only i could be something else. not another person. i actually would want to become a wandering soul, something that goes along floating around the world, enjoying sanctity and solemnity on my own. looking at things as people have never seen them before.
so i guess i really am much more a loner, and i think im enjoying it very much.

one of the things i hate about this modern world of ours:

PLASTIC.

both literally and not literally.