i'm happy on my birthday.

but there's still a sadness in me that i don't know what to fill up with.

but still, i'm happy. thank you friends. so much. you have no idea how much i value you. i'd give up anything just not to lose you.

expect less. not more.

it hurts to even expect anything.

easy to say "get real", but how the hell does real become real when nobody visualizes it first?

am i what i think i am to you?

or am i what i wish i am to you?

what on earth did i just dream about.

why did i just dream about you? you're already gone for 4 years. i think that's already a long time. long enough for me to look at someone else.

i did "mourn" for about 2 years, and i still remember you. you prolly don't think i would be affected this much. but yes i am. not in a bad way, nor in a good way. just... this. it's filed under the category of "experience" and "past" and "sorrows". it's already filled up its time in the "unsolved" drawers. so why the heck did you come back? you should be dead.

it even felt like you were holding my hands. i could actually feel the warmth of your hands. it felt weird. romantic but weird. because even while i was dreaming, deep inside my dream's consciousness, i know that it wasn't real and it couldn't happen. it couldn't happen because first off, i have never held your h- wait, i HAVE held your hand. the dance on prom night. that time i still had no idea that you also liked me. but you did, and you didn't speak of it until the last month of the school year. which i think is a pretty good decision since you had your girl and your girl had ears in campus. also, even if it never reached her radar, it would still be morally wrong.

i don't know if i still want to see you again. i don't think i do. because i don't want my feelings to come back.

what a sad story.

i'm going astray with my notions. confusion is setting in a bit.

"if you don't like me, then don't act as if you do."

that's something i'd like to tell you, just to clear things up a bit. but, drats if i do, i'd be confessing if i told you this.

I'M CONFUSED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

i miss you at times, and i worry about you even if... even if. what the hell. this is the sort of thing that might never go away soon. and i'm getting tired of feeling all girly and teeny-bopperish when we talk.

i'm not asking for a partner from you. i'm just asking that you be normal if that's how you feel, and outright if that's how you feel. that's all.

i don't want to have icy fingers at the wrong time. not anymore. that was quite traumatic.

I'M CONFUSED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ORLY?

YARLY.

NOWAI.

YESWAI. (although still unsure, for the sake of owl1's happiness, owl2 answers yeswai.)

OvO

i still have no idea how i learned to like you.

you're definitely not my type of guy. your image doesn't even fit with my ideals. you've got too many friends.

you're almost my opposite, but you're also in the same league as me.

i'm not expecting any sympathy from you, and i don't expect you to understand either, but maybe you're just too easy-going that none of these things come to mind when there's contact.

which also explains why you've got so many friends.

i bet some of them girls also like you the way i do, naive as we are. it's just that not all of them might be the same as me: willing to expose myself to the truth of the sequences.

but too much logic may seem like a hindrance to feelings and emotions, and too much intuition may lead to wrong conclusions as based on logic.

so which do i follow? logic or intuition?

if i asked you to, would you come?

you probably would. not because of anything special but because that's your nature. sorta like a dog; you whistle and it comes running, just because you whistled, whoever you are.

hmm. figures why i don't like dogs.

so tired.

physically and mentally tired.

what if i'm hurt by what i'm seeing?

would that matter... to you?

but of course it won't. because you have no idea what is going on inside my head. in my heart. and you'll probably never know until you know it from the starting point.

and i guess i'll never get the chance to say how much your existence means to me, because i'll never speak unless you feel like asking me to do so. and i suppose that opportunity will never come unless the tides turn to an unexpected angle.



how can you lift my spirits then? how come?

we'll keep on waiting (waiting)
waiting on the world to change

huzzah

maguloooooo ang utak ko.

i'm still wanting something that, for now, doesn't seem to be available to me.

kaba kaba kaba.

birthday! omagad. gawin kaya yung inaasahan ko?

Today I Die

such a beautiful game and a beautiful message. inspiring. thank you to the creator :)

*****

is it wrong to be affected? i don't think so. but i think it's wrong to... well there's nothing wrong. i'm just affected and somebody's just being himself.

so why am i affected?

tired. waiting and waiting. but nothing came. just a boring word of question.

RULE 1: You opened this; you gotta take it.

RULE 2: You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you!

LAST PERSON YOU

1 You hang out with?

= insan?

2 Who was the last person you texted?

= marj

3 Last person you were in a car with?

= pamilya

4 Last person you went to the movies ?

= ohmen. either nanay or the petshap buddies.

5 Last person you went to the mall with?

= nanay

6 Last Person you talked on the phone with?

= can't rem!

7 You messaged/commented?

= basta sa dA ata

8 Who are you talking to now?

= wala

T/F: Only answer with True or False.

Q: Kissed someone on your top friends?

= f

Q: Been searched by Cops?

= f

Q: Been suspended from school?

= f. almost tho.

Q: Sat on a rooftop?

= not sure...

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

= t

Q: Broken a bone?

= not sure din

Q: Have shaved your head?

= f

Q: Had/have a gym membership?

= f

Q: Shot a gun?

= f

Q: Donated Blood?

= f

WOULD YOU RATHER :

1 Eat or drink?

-> drink

2 Be serious or be funny?

-> 50/50

3 Go to the beach or mountains?

-> beach

4 Die in a fire or die getting shot??

-> shot

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

1 Sun or moon?

-> moon

2 Winter or fall?

-> winter

3 Left or right?

- left

4 Black and white or colored?

-> bnw

5 Do you want to get married?

-> no for now

IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU :

1. Kissed someone?

-> nope

2. Been hugged by someone?

-> nope

3. Been poked by someone?

-> nope

4. Cried?

-> nope

5. Gotten in a fight?

-> nope.

6. Told someone they loved you?

-> nope. waw narcissist ahahaha

According to your last ex, you are?

-- la ko nun.

If you could push one person off a mountain, who could it be?

-- meself. pede ba un? haha

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?

-- nada.

Do you see yourself in a relationship in 6 months?

-- dunno. not expecting. (parang dun lang sa isa)

Where will you be in an hour?

-- logtu

Do you miss anyone?

-- miss ba un. ewan ko lang.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?

-- wala. haha. boring.

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?

-- i... dunno. pag dumating na cguro i'll try.

Last person you said I love you to?

-- wek tagal na.

Who will you be sleeping with tonight?

-- onan.

Do you have a brother?

-- should have.

Did the last person who hurt you apologize?

-- umm.. nope. hehe.

Are you happy?

-- quite.

Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?

-- soday or c2

Where is the next place you will travel?

-- dunno... gusto ko malibot ang pilipinas. then i'm setting my sights on greece :D

Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger ?

-- di pa naman. eyeglass oo hahaha.

Who was the last person you ate with?

-- pamilya dong!

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

-- i suppose si ian

What's a happy time you've had in the past week?

-- tagaytay, while practicing macro photog

Do you plan on moving out within the next year or two?

-- no plans but i would love to

Do you like meeting new people?

-- erm... depends.

The first thing you thought this morning?

-- anu beh... matutulog pa ko... XD

What did you feel when you woke up today?

-- want to sleep again

Is someone on your mind right now?

-- yosh

Can you honestly say things are running smoothly for you right now?

-- i suppose. i mean, if there's nothing running, is it still called smooth? lolz

What was the last thing you ate?

-- noodles! weee!

What are you doing tonight?

-- tulog nalang.

What is something you disliked about your day?

-- antahimik? and my stomach was doing a bit of gymnastics for no reason at all.

Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?

-- no...

How old will you be in 2 years?

-- 23

Do you think by that time, you will be living at home with your parents still?

-- i don't want to

Do you believe in love at first sight?

-- no

Do you believe in love?

-- yep

Are you currently frustrated with a girl/boy?

-- err... a bit? hehe

How old will you be in 13 months?

-- 21 parin haha

Do you think you'll be married by then?

-- whoa. shokoy na tanong yan.

Who was the last person to call you?

-- can't rem. insan?

What month is your birthday in?

-- mayo

Can you live a day without tv?

-- totally. i hate it. katabi ko e. internet nalang :D

Relationship status?

-- singgol (single since sanggol)

last time u drank liquor?

-- shoot. err.. 2yrs ago? hahaha

last time you saw your crush?

-- haven't :D

Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
- wala ko nun
Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
- i dunno... not expecting
Does your ex hate you?
- ...
What are you mad about right now?
- la naman
What does the last text message you received say?
- kwentong lola XD
What song lyric, if any, is stuck in your head at the moment?
- jai ho
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a T?
- nope. i haven't kissed anyone outside my family.
What if your ex shows up at your door?
- abay malabo ka kausap gid
Who’s the 4th person under B in your contacts?
- bernadette
Does anyone have a heart next to their name?
- lapake XD
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
- cguro cold, but not freezing cold
Lose a best friend lately?
- nope. don't wish to.
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
- nope hehe. im not expressive.
Are you okay with your boyfriend/girlfriend being friends with an ex?
- why not? kung ex ko, di naman ako bi e hahahaha
Are you a jealous person?
- dun think so
Are you excited about anything?
- erm... thesis! believe it or not!
Do you think that you’re a good person?
- i try my best to be
Have you known any of your friends for most of your life?
- yah.
Last person you talked to?
- ian. chat.
What are you stressing out over?
- thesis din.
Have you spoke to anyone on the phone today?
- nope
What are you doing tonight?
- study and sleep
Who was the last person to sit on your bed?
- my mom..
Are you high?
- NO! sa barnis oo kanina sa starbucks
Can you whistle?
- yap
Do you watch college sports?
- not really.
Did you cry today?
- hmmm wala pa naman
Was yesterday better than today?
- hindi dahil may sakit ako
When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
- hmmmm... nung nag away kami ni janus
Do you believe that any of your ex's think about you?
- wala nga akong ex... grrrr
What are you currently hearing?
- bla bla...

1. What would you do if someone kissed you while you are walking?
- "juskoday! di mo ba alam na uso ang swine flu ngayon?!"

2. If someone slapped your face, what would you do?
- prolly do the same, except if there's a reason behind the slap

3. Did you get yourself drunk?
- nope, never

4. Which do you prefer, love or money?
- love. money brings problems.

5. If your crush texted you and said that he/she wanted to have a date with you, what would you do?
- kikiligin? malamang. lolz.

6. Do you consider yourself cute/beautiful/handsome?
- erm... 50/50. may side na ok may side na hinde.

7. Do you like your name?
- nope.

8. Are you intelligent?
- i suppose...

9. Do you like to be a star?
- yes, but not the typical star who became famous because of anything but talent

10. When was the last time you got mad at somebody?
- last night. di naman mad, umm... a bit annoyed lang.

11. What would you prefer, a car or a house?
- house!

12. Do you want to have a secret lover?
- how can it be love if it's a secret?

13. Who's your favorite enemy?
- nanay hahaha

14. What is the style of your hair?
- short, sorta like victoria beckham's before she had her pixie haircut

15. Do you like to be one of the PBB contestants?
- nope. lolz.

16. Do you trust your friends?
- yep.

17. What would you do if your love one went to your house naked?
- *gasp* takbokuhatuwalyabalothataksaradopinto "ANO BANG TUMATAKBO SA UTAK MO?!"

18. Have you reached your goal in life?
- not yet

19. Have you ever been rejected?
- yes.

20. Who are you thinking right now?
- the... guy. the bogey monster.

can we have more conversations? it makes me happy to talk with you. just because there's a bit of interaction and i can learn a lot about you just by speaking with you. and i can assume much more that there's a spark and i just have to follow the cords to get to the power source.

can we have more conversations?

ohmigaaaaad. u don't know how much i missed you.

just had the worst sleeping experience last night. i think i woke up 5 times with a hard-throbbing heart. seriously, i wasn't at peace in that place.