happy happy :) dami naming similarities.

he loves house. and he loves animals. and he seems like a simple guy. i think i might see more similarities later on. but then he likes someone else :(

i want to see you. i want to see your face again. but i have to wait. i still have to wait for... 24 hours more. time ticks at a snail's pace. it's slower than it usually runs. i want the sun to rise and set at a pace unrecognized by man. but it doesn't, because it waits for other people to realize that life is not worth anything without love.

ay. dapat maging manhid. kundi masasaktan lang.

sorry nalang kay FSM.

hurts bad. really. lalo na kasi alam ko yung tipo nya at alam kong wala akong binatbat dun. so alam ko ring umaasa lang ako. and yet di pa ko tumitigil.

first time ko nagrespond sa kanya matter of fact-ly kanina. and it felt like an achievement on my part because... because. i dont know why, other than that i looked a little rude and it felt like i pushed him off more. it felt like an achievement where i want to forget him. but it felt so much like a failure in trying to know him better.

and right now, i think i can feel the failure more than the achievement. i might get depressed again.

gusto ko na umiyaaaaaak pero walang luhang lumalabas e. tsaka ayaw kong humikbi. pero gusto ko na talaga bawasan yung mga bagay na nagpapabigat sa puso ko. di lang to love life. kahit pano di naman ako ganoon ka lulong. marami pa kong ibang problema na di ko kayang bigyang boses. at sa tingin ko tama lang na di bigyang boses yung mga problemang yon, kasi kahit gamitan ko ng salita yung problema ko, di parin kayang i-describe ng salita yung nararamdaman ko. sana katulad sa eragon, alam nila yung mga real names ng bagay bagay tulad ng apoy, na ang tunay na pangalan ay brisingr. ganoon lang kadali. at di ka pwedeng magsinungaling pag ginamit mo ang old language. sana ganoon din sa totoong buhay. hahanap ka lang ng isang salita, tapos pag nasabi mo yung salitang yun... poof! wala ka nang kunsumisyon. ganoon kadali.
masarap mabuhay pag alam mo ang ginagawa mo at meron kang kasamang pwede mong pagsabihan ng kahit ano. si briks, thank you sobra sa lahat ng oras na nakinig ka sa rants ko, whether good or bad rants. you don't know how much it means to me and how much it helps me get through the day. oo may blog ako pero di nakakapagreact ang blog. tsaka kahit pano parehas tayong nakakakuha ng payo sa isa't isa tsaka parehas tayo ng nararamdaman sa ngayon. parehas din tayong problemado sa love life hahahaha. sa puntong ito, as in itong punto, nangiti ako tsaka naramdaman kong gumaan ng onti ang pakiramdam ko. haaaaayyy. sarap. pero kulang pa eh. may kailangan talaga akong sabihin pa pero di ko alam kung ano.
gusto ko lang makita si FSM.
hinde fhm yan FSM. naku tingnan mo ang keyboard mo.
gusto ko lang sya makita ng matagalan. tapos makilala pa sya ng husto. parang mabait kasi sya. tsaka... gusto ko nanaman umiyak. mabait kasi sya tsaka madali makisama. tsaka di sya judgmental. tsaka pag nakikita ko sya, parang nararamdaman ko na, siguro masarap sya maging kaclose. di ko kelangan ng boypren o sex partner ika nga. di ko kelangan ng ganoong aktibidad. actually against ako dun, pero di ko naman pipigilan ang iba sa ganoong gawain. parang masaya lang sya kaclose kasi mukang malambing sya pag close kayo. tsaka parang kuya ko narin. 2 years ata agwat namin i think. nanibago ako once nung nakita ko sya na pure black yung hair nya, pero wala pa sya nun sakin. ngayon lang talaga. sobrang apektado ako kasi parang, andyan na sya pero hanggang tingin lang ako. no interactions. pero kung papipiliin ako sa di ko sya kilala at sa nagpaplastikan kami, dun nalang ako sa di ko sya kilala. masakit man sa loob.
good night na. matutulog na ko at problemado padin ako sa VMA.

WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO HIDE EVERYTHING THAT I FEEL?!?! PUTCHA! NO FREEDOM AT ALL!!! SO FRUSTRATING!!! I WANT TO YELL LIKE MAD AND TELL YOU THAT I LIKE YOU AND TELL HIM THAT I HATE HIM! AND I WANT TO YELL TO EVERYONE TO STOP BEING SUCH STUPID JERKS WHO THINK THAT EVERYTHING ENDS IN THE IMAGE YOU PROJECT!!! POTA ANG KIKITID NG MGA UTAK NIYO!!!
NAKAKAINIS!!! PARANG LAGI NALANG ME NAKASAPLOT SA BUNGANGA KO PARA DI AKO MAKASALITA!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANNOYING! SO ANNOYING AND SO FRUSTRATING!!! I AM BUILDING SO MUCH ANGST YOU CAN'T MEASURE IT WITH TEARS!!!

so frustrating.

im always affected whenever my crush (whoever it may be at that time) is somewhere near. im always affected in a way that makes me feel hopeless and happy and dumped and paralyzed, all at the same time. it's like i'm there, and all i need to do is flirt, but i can't because that's my system. i DON'T flirt. so what happens? i can only watch him. him with the impeccable smile.

so frustrating.

because i know that nothing will happen again to what i feel. it's 99.9% impossible for him to see me for who i am and appreciate it. because he's of "a different kind" and of "a different level". because i'm not the socialite type of girl. because i don't wear skinny jeans and make-up, and iron-twirl my hair. because i can never be his type. and i never will be. i refuse to change for cause of love.

so frustrating. *cry*

Caleruega getaway done

just got home from Caleruega. twas a nice trip, 3 days 2 nights. fun and spooky. love the spooks. hahaha.

but... i am getting pissed off at HIM. that stupid, immature, opportunistic, commanding little nuthead. gago talaga yun. i hope he becomes more conscious of his actions and of other people's feelings.

and then, the other guy, who actually "usually" isn't my type... i am suddenly appreciating him. he's really nice and handsome (no, he's not the type you call "cute".... grr... stupid fangirls.) right now, i think i just appreciate who he is. im not sure if he's already my crush coz i.. i don't know, he just isn't yet. i don't know if he will become my crush. but i kind of miss seeing him. oh well. let's see what happens. (then again, maybe it's because we now talk, unlike before when we didn't.)