My heart does not know who to look for. Ive given it to someone who does not know he has it, and does not know how to just give it back if he does not want it... i miss him, i wish he thinks of me, but i doubt that would happen...
20160629
20160621
I miss you.
You feel so cold to me.
Maybe it feels the same way from me to you. Not gonna blame ya if that's what you think...
But i really do miss you. I see you every work day, been seeing you for the past 4+ years, seeing you every lunch time, and all those other times you get out of your seat... but i still miss you.
You feel so cold to me.
Maybe it feels the same way from me to you. Not gonna blame ya if that's what you think...
But i really do miss you. I see you every work day, been seeing you for the past 4+ years, seeing you every lunch time, and all those other times you get out of your seat... but i still miss you.
20160620
just thinking. so many deaths this year.
some people think, "life is short." i don't think it is... it's just really surprising. sometimes in a good way, sometimes the other way.
you think you've got everything covered when suddenly, bam! you're dead. someone's dead. your loved one's dead. you killed someone.
it's been there since life began, this death thing... and yet we're still surprised.
we only ever cry at funerals at the thought of having missed out on something with the dead person. it is a future-leaning thought. the present, well... we cannot change the present. person's dead, can't do shit about it. we're left to fend for ourselves, do for ourselves what they used to do for us, you'll be there for you instead of him/her being there for you.
it's the epitome of change.
and we're scared because of that.
it's hard trying to comfort someone who has a dying loved one. you don't know what to say to them. keep strong, etc.
how can you be strong in times like that? it's stupid. it's a stupid kind of encouragement.
it's not that i don't have empathy for these people. i just... i feel like i'd be doing them a huge mistake if i started encouraging them to believe in the so-called positive things... there are no positives to these events.
to be reachable is, i think, the best offer anyone can give anyone in a hopeless situation. and i'm sticking to that.
i didn't mean to make this sound like it's all about my decision-making processes.
but i do feel guilty not being... warmer, as is socially acceptable. i wish i did not have to think these things through.
or maybe it's good that i do. i do not belong to this group of people for no reason. i would probably piss the shit off of em if i stopped thinking.
i hope they know that i love them, in this way.
some people think, "life is short." i don't think it is... it's just really surprising. sometimes in a good way, sometimes the other way.
you think you've got everything covered when suddenly, bam! you're dead. someone's dead. your loved one's dead. you killed someone.
it's been there since life began, this death thing... and yet we're still surprised.
we only ever cry at funerals at the thought of having missed out on something with the dead person. it is a future-leaning thought. the present, well... we cannot change the present. person's dead, can't do shit about it. we're left to fend for ourselves, do for ourselves what they used to do for us, you'll be there for you instead of him/her being there for you.
it's the epitome of change.
and we're scared because of that.
it's hard trying to comfort someone who has a dying loved one. you don't know what to say to them. keep strong, etc.
how can you be strong in times like that? it's stupid. it's a stupid kind of encouragement.
it's not that i don't have empathy for these people. i just... i feel like i'd be doing them a huge mistake if i started encouraging them to believe in the so-called positive things... there are no positives to these events.
to be reachable is, i think, the best offer anyone can give anyone in a hopeless situation. and i'm sticking to that.
i didn't mean to make this sound like it's all about my decision-making processes.
but i do feel guilty not being... warmer, as is socially acceptable. i wish i did not have to think these things through.
or maybe it's good that i do. i do not belong to this group of people for no reason. i would probably piss the shit off of em if i stopped thinking.
i hope they know that i love them, in this way.
20160610
I should be content with knowing you even just a bit... i'm getting restless just because i'm not hearing or seeing anything from you.
You'll be back tomorrow, right? I know i'm not in any position to be updated by you, or be done anything for that matter. And i don't mind whatever else there is. I just... i dunno. I always feel left behind. It kinda feels that way right now. It would be nice to feel like someone thinks of me too, doesn't want me to worry for them. But again, i'm not in that place, and i'm not about to demand anything.
It's a bit frustrating, but i should learn to deal with this by dealing with myself, not by blaming or putting any obligation on anyone.
You'll be back tomorrow, right? I know i'm not in any position to be updated by you, or be done anything for that matter. And i don't mind whatever else there is. I just... i dunno. I always feel left behind. It kinda feels that way right now. It would be nice to feel like someone thinks of me too, doesn't want me to worry for them. But again, i'm not in that place, and i'm not about to demand anything.
It's a bit frustrating, but i should learn to deal with this by dealing with myself, not by blaming or putting any obligation on anyone.
20160608
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