i really don't understand what is happening in my head. or my heart. "heart".

i am incredibly attracted to you, but i don't know how to show it.
or even, whether i should show it or not.
i'm very happy when you're there, in the same area with me. or when you look at me. (at least i think you do? peripheral vision reasoning etc etc).
i think you look at me... mmm... not really "a lot", but, in a rather observational manner? like when i'm about to respond to a question, or... when i'm looking at someone and observing them.
there's confusion going on in my head because, on some rare times, it feels like you're interested, but on most times, it's very casual.... i almost feel non-existent even.
i'm not sure how to deal with you.
i'd like to forget you too, because i think things don't really look plausible, possible, and/or ethical.

but fuck ethics. hah.

it's really just a matter of whether you feel a mutual connection or not. which, realistically speaking, you probably don't.

i've always made bad choices. bad decisions.
it's not helping that i feel so fucking left out.
i wish i could telepathically share my feelings with someone who's willing to listen and see.
but i can't, and i don't know how to talk about this.
i'm just so tired of being, or feeling, alone. i just want for someone who is willing to learn about who i am, without needing me to talk about everything.

this is probably just hormones. but i'm crying. well, tearing up.
some support would be really, really nice right now.