Mixed feels.

i'm... happy that you're just there. I can see you pretty much everyday. That familiar smell. That laugh. The rather feminine voice and tone. I'm happy to know you.

But i'm also frustrated for different reasons. That it doesn't look like it's mutual, and yet i still get those weird, random looks from you. That i don't know how to approach you on a friendlier, more personal level. That i can't see any kind of... platform to build rapport with you. Mmm... that i'm not sure how to go about this. I'm frustrated that, if it's hard to confess to someone my age and my league, it's so much harder to confess to you, because we're absolutely, entirely, on different levels, in different spaces. I'm frustrated that i'm hoping too much for something that doesn't look peacefully, harmoniously possible. And much more so because as much as i'm thinking about this, as much as i keep thinking about you, and as much as i keep thinking about my feelings for you, it is also as much quietness and hard walls that i'm facing from you.

I don't know if i want to let this go.
I don't know if i want to let you go, accept that you're just who you are and you're not gonna change for me.
All those INFP things tell me that i view the world through rose-tinted glasses. It appears to be true, and it's sending me further down the path of misery and disappointments.
I'm just... just really... meh, now. Just... a mix of furious, frustrated, hopeless, hopeless wishing, a still fighting heart, attachment and detachment. And it isn't making things any better or any clearer.