What's the peanut butter, matter?

Just wondering how things would go once you learn about my blog entries lol. And how it would be when vis a vis.
Is this just infatuation because shit it's been... 1year and going 7mos.
I also just realized earlier today that i'm almost "lagpas na sa kalendaryo". For those of you who don't live in the PH, it's a filipino expression, literally translated as "gone past the calendar", meaning that you've gone past the 30th day of a month, comparing the day to your age.
I'm 3years til the end of my calendar and i've never had a boyfriend hahaha.
It doesn't actually matter to me that i've never had one. I'm just thinking if maybe i'm not... normal enough, or lovable enough, or something enough, to be admired. I'm not gonna lie about it, it makes me feel sad and insecure about myself. I should be able to admire myself and not have to look for admiration from others, but i don't trust myself to do that because my mind can sometimes walk different paths without me noticing. As it is, i sometimes feel like i'm one huge braggart.

Oh yeah. How the heck do you differentiate between a secure person and braggart anyway? Braggarts go both ways too.
Too many factors. Hah.

But yeah. You always hear people say stuff like be strong on your own, know your worth, stand tall and be who you are, don't need nobody's opinion, etc. But you also get bombarded with be humble, actions speak louder than words, your actions will speak for you, the lord delights in... humble people or summat like that.

I think i'll just stick to what sounds about right for me, and stay away from the things that other people do and which i find annoying or unpleasant.

But do i also need to market myself like... an alpha female to everyone, best partner, marriage material etc etc (im not marriage material btw, so far)?

I sometimes find it incredible how the most mischievous ones get all the attention.

I think i'll just wait.
Maybe for him, maybe not. Let's see what happens.