well it... seems like a very abrupt end to the journey.

everything suddenly feels... it's like every activity is taxing, but i'm only experiencing the effects now. all at the same time. like... waves of anguish and remorse and self-loath...

i haven't even actively done anything hahaha.

i could be interpreting this all wrongly but... it's enough sign to show that, nope, we're not even "connected".

i'm sitting up straight right now because i'm trying to keep myself from breaking up, crumbling. cracking and falling apart.

what do you know?

am i that repulsive?

i guess i am. haha. i mean, really. no suitors, no boyfriend, no... well, 2 admirers from the past. not that i'm taking them for granted but... well, i rejected 1, and the other didn't move. oh and that guy. that guy, yes. that's about it. and then years and years and years rolling... with nothing.

...........

to cut everything short, i just feel like i'm not really needed or wanted. and it hurts more than anything, because it promptly removes all purpose from your life. it makes you empty. it makes you a shell. it removes all depth from you. there has so far been nothing and no one to make me feel like i have some worth. yeah, work. but i think anyone can easily replace me. parents? okay. that's supposed to be natural though. anything else? none. nada. zilch.