UGH

JFC I NEED YOU, YOU NUMBSKULL.
I know that it isn't obvious at all BUT REALLY.
Well.
... nothing, really.
I can't really throw anything at you because I know for a fact that I haven't said anything myself.
It's just incredibly frustrating.
Incredibly frustrating to fall in love with a person who, as societal norms dictate, is not at all a good choice, because of that huge age gap and the weird connections of kinship, nevermind the person's goodness and intelligence. You're just too old, they would say.
BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE. TRY TO LOOK AROUND. I'd be so fuckin lucky, God help me, if you actually do see this blog. The job would be done for me. And I might, at the very least, get some sort of closure over this.
I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS SO YOU WOULD KNOW HOW I FEEL. I'm so bad with verbal language, I'd probably faint from anxiety if I did this personally. Live.
So I'll just keep wishing that you see this, on your own, out of your own curiosity. I'll just keep wishing that you'll understand. (I'm hoping it would be mutual, but that's pretty far off the beaten track. Still not giving up though, my heart.)
My death wish is nearing pretty fast. It's... just about 4mos away now. I'm not sure if I want it to happen, but... I wish that you'd be in my life, whether it happens or not. I wish you'd be in my life before my death happens, whatever date it's bound to happen on.