it's almost a year.

i've been in... in this state... with you... for, 5 days to a year, officially.

and nothing has changed.

why?



i think, or know, that it's been very apparent that... it can't go anywhere... that there's no progress to this.

i have never forgotten... but i've been hopeful that it would change...

on its own, of course. hah.



i do not have the guts to tell you about this... because it would not seem proper...

i mean... 20 years. jesus fucking christ. 20 fucking years gap.

and i don't want to burden you with childish things...

taking me in would be like taking a promo package of the worst things in life.



i wish i could hear your side.



but one action would elicit more actions.



you'll be stained, even just from my words. just words. what more...



i want to stop already but

i dunno...

it's like your presence alone can pull me in wholly.

maybe i'm just curious about you.

maybe if i knew you better, it would satisfy my curiosity.



am i asking for a chance? maybe.

but i also don't want a hanging chance. i don't want a training ring of fire.

i want you to also want me, to be in mutual understanding and level of things.

if you don't (which you probably don't), then never mind. don't even try.



one year.