i want to go out with my friends.



i thought it was a go, but good thing i didn't instantly tell them about that possibility, because it got ruined really quickly.



i cried for a while after that.



it's not that my parents don't want me to meet my friends. it's that it's not very convenient for them. which i'm aware of.



i'm such a pathetic person i can't even go anywhere on my own.



and i don't want to burden my parents too much. my dad said we can go, and i can meet my friends, if someone can accompany my mom in the same mall. and she'll most probably enjoy being there with her sister and her sister's daughter/my cousin. but my aunt and my cousin are both sick, and her daughters are going to bring her to the hospital tomorrow, for a checkup. and my mom's just... i'm not sure if she's sick, but she doesn't seem like she wants to go.



i just couldn't push my dad to still drive me to that very-far mall even though it's just gonna be for me. it feels like a very selfish thing to do.



but i still cried. it was... heart ache. a very heavy feeling in my chest.

the sort of feeling you get when your dreams are crushed, your expectations are ruined.

some people are gonna call me selfish because i cried. i mean, i myself feel that way. but it doesn't erase the hurt that i experienced.



i feel like everything in my life can only happen upon other people's approval, or benefit, or use.



i just want to meet my friends after a very long time, for chrissakes.