is feeling alone a result of the "victim" alienating himself?

maybe. i'm not sure. but i feel alone all the time.
bonding is hard. bonding feels really awkward. i feel like i'm in this bubble that separates me from everyone.

i kinda wish someone would try to pop this "bubble" to get to know me, because personally, i don't know how to bloom by myself. people around me tend to be very levelheaded, and yet also know how to "sell" themselves. i don't. i just tend to control people. it's like i'm imposing my dreams on them, so they would be what i wish to be. and yet, i can't do it myself. i can't do those things myself. yeah i'm looking for a bit of attention, the proper sort, the one where people give me attention because they think i actually deserve it, not because i'm doing something ridiculous to get their attention. but i suppose i'm just too boring and imposing to deserve it.