Thoughts:
1. The feeling of being split between wanting to be always there for your parents, wanting some long-missed alone time, and wanting to see some friends. Oh, and wanting to be more independent. And feeling guilty because when you do one, you cannot do the rest.
2. I hate that you keep claiming ownership over him. I hate how much of a snake... no, you're not that bad, but you're definitely very manipulative, and i fucking hate that, and i fucking hate seeing you being like that over someone. And your intention is so fucking obvious to me. I fucking hate that i can't do anything about it. At the same time, i fucking hate this feeling of alienation. That no matter how i try to be friendly and in level with everyone, the idea of a wall will continually be imposed on my person. And it does not fucking help that im awkward as fuck.
Yeah. Thats... thats about it for now.
Ive always only wanted to be an onlooker, because the world has too much drama to be involved in. It just drags you down. But at the same time, if youre just an onlooker, an observer, it also means that you can't give joy and you can't participate in joy. And it's... harsh? To be able to feel but not be able to act. I wish it was just 1 or the other, no gray areas.
1. The feeling of being split between wanting to be always there for your parents, wanting some long-missed alone time, and wanting to see some friends. Oh, and wanting to be more independent. And feeling guilty because when you do one, you cannot do the rest.
2. I hate that you keep claiming ownership over him. I hate how much of a snake... no, you're not that bad, but you're definitely very manipulative, and i fucking hate that, and i fucking hate seeing you being like that over someone. And your intention is so fucking obvious to me. I fucking hate that i can't do anything about it. At the same time, i fucking hate this feeling of alienation. That no matter how i try to be friendly and in level with everyone, the idea of a wall will continually be imposed on my person. And it does not fucking help that im awkward as fuck.
Yeah. Thats... thats about it for now.
Ive always only wanted to be an onlooker, because the world has too much drama to be involved in. It just drags you down. But at the same time, if youre just an onlooker, an observer, it also means that you can't give joy and you can't participate in joy. And it's... harsh? To be able to feel but not be able to act. I wish it was just 1 or the other, no gray areas.
No comments:
Post a Comment