My dilemma, real or not, is that i feel like i still need to find my own footing in this world. I feel like there are people i love, and people i can love, but that i do not have or know or have yet realized ways to affirm my feelings for them. And i do not have the guts to go free. And i do not feel like i want to be tied down into something as soon as i get to go on my own. And it's making me sad that i don't know how to tell you that yes, i missed you, but not anymore in a crush-crush way, and more like missing a person you are not threatened of, missing the safety of that person that doesn't have to mean anything else other than safety and familiarity and the freedom to do anything without being blindly judged.
I miss your mind and your ecstatic being, your preferred innocence and quiet wisdom. Your humility. I miss all of that. I have not yet found someone comparable. But i also don't want to cling to that hope too much. And i'm so disappointed that i'm too cowardly to act for myself.