It's... heartbreaking, and just depressing, just depressing... to be in a situation like this, where you are suffering physically, and... not to say that no one cares, because a lot actually do, and i appreciate their concern very much... but the one person you're waiting for, the one person you wish would... worry about you, of his own volition, maybe ask how you are, or i dunno, just let specifically you know, that he's there for you... well, he does not care. He does not even... ask about, or feel curious about your situation.

It's... reality slapping you in the face... that whatever you do, if one does not like you, one does not care for you, you can't simply change that. You can't simply wish for that to happen. It highlights just how abhorring you are. Just how unattractive and boring you are. You aren't left on the sidelines for no reason.

I don't know anyone who would even have the patience to stand by me, and i'd feel goddamn lucky if we even get some mutual level of understanding about each other.