...

Why do you keep making me swoon...
It's kinda sad that i prefer to think of things with realism, and realism, to me, means that you have no feelings for me whatsoever, and that you're just naturally adorable and sweet, whether it be me or everyone/anyone else.
I don't want to keep thinking of your actions as signs of affection... i'm afraid of the very possible disappointment that would come with it... but i also don't much know how else to interpret it... i don't want to think of your actions as efforts... efforts towards befriending me or further... but my mind is screwing up and going against all the directions i'm trying to direct it to, and going back to those interpretations...
I cannot help but adore you... in the cuter sense of the word... though also possibly further... quite possibly...
But it's such a huge... undertaking... commitment... it's scary and very risky... but i like you very much... right now though, i'm just gonna try to hide all this. Hide and... control myself... keep from looking all embarrassed and shit. And maybe... just maybe... hope that you see this post, my posts, about you. That you would understand... without me having to face you and grow fruits of doubt in front of your eyes...