Why cant i have you?

I know that thats a very selfish thought.

But it feels like..

If people normally never notice you then its not much of a big deal. But him not noticing me rather hurts.

I dunno. I guess im just still hopeful for something. Something to happen.

I dont exactly need you to be mine. Just that... i dunno how... i feel like im always being put aside. Not needed. Not wanted. People would prolly live just as normally if i didnt exist. That kinda thing.

I feel very alone.

That article i read just focuses on people who are too focused on themselves. The only thing im not doing there thats applicable is believing that i will find love.

Its hard to believe in something like that.

Do i deserve as much? I sure wish i do. I wanna try to believe that i do. Im just not really finding much reason to believe in myself.

Im diabetic. Im not pretty. I can be witty but i cannot hold a conversation. Im generally just shy. Im not even that good in my chosen profession. And... ive not much experience. No actually. My experience can only be compared to that of an improving sociopath. Not even normal.

And so far, i havent met anyone who might be curious, let alone be interested, in who i am, which isnt much of a self, really.

Im tired. I wish for someone who can accompany and guide me, and not belittle me in everything. Not embarrass me to others or to myself. Not look at me shamefully. See my real value. Though i myself cant even see it.

I feel so fucking empty.