During these times, you realize that you need other people to be with you. These times when someone actually is there but you still feel alone.
I'm seeing a lot of current and recent posts lately that deals with the love between siblings. I'll be honest. I feel kinda jealous. I feel envious. I can imagine how talks between sibs would be like. All practical or tough love or real or all of the stated, and yet you can feel that it is peppered with love and concern. I don't get that. I never experience that anymore. It's been like that for a while now and it's gotten pretty tiring, having to do everything and deal with eveything on your own. I mean yeah, my mum's gonna go call up the dentist tomorrow to set an appointment for me. But... I'm not exactly saying that I'm not contented, but... I'm looking for some sort of human connection. It is missing in this house. I'm just so tired. Like right now, I'm sure my mum can see how distressed I am about my teeth. But I somehow can't directly tell her about my worries and fears, my personal burden, the idea of losing teeth at this age, the embarassment, shame of it, how it totally changes your image, etc. Shit like that. I don't know who to open up to. I've shared my intense feelings of horror with my friends but I can't exactly translate it to its proper intensity, which if I had siblings, they'd prolly immediately understand me.
Again, I'm not sure if I'm saying that it's not enough, or if I'm just wishfully thinking of things... hoping... wanting too much. All I'm sure about is that I feel very alone.