giving it all away?
too scared of the consequences.

helping is a different issue.

not ready yet. and maybe never.

when can someone understand that a person's decision is essential to the person's life? no matter how small it may be, it might still be a crucial turn, one that could help the person jump that big crevice of insecurity, uncertainty or unwanted action.

i'm getting quite tired of having to cut my thoughts in half as to the real intentions of the neon remote control. and i don't want anyone interfering with my life just because they wish to be close. i don't give permission on grounds of who you are, but on how i see you to be.

and it just so happens that my brain can magnify concepts taken from my observation. if the glass points to you, let's see how the dice speaks. so far, it's been pointing at you and the sun's been helping me into toasting you to a char.

i have my own reasons for not wanting to be yours. i cannot put words to them. i rely on my instinct very much (and personal appearance has an effect, sad to say; how worldly of me) and you don't stand out just as much as the others did. but the others failed, or more like i failed on them. i'm as maria clara as women can get, and i'm happy enough to have company and nothing more. i don't know if you will be, but you're definitely not yet the first.

i guess i took a piece of his image with me. and i think it's ok. but the experience has blotted my brain, and nothing can cleanse it.