so frustrating.

im always affected whenever my crush (whoever it may be at that time) is somewhere near. im always affected in a way that makes me feel hopeless and happy and dumped and paralyzed, all at the same time. it's like i'm there, and all i need to do is flirt, but i can't because that's my system. i DON'T flirt. so what happens? i can only watch him. him with the impeccable smile.

so frustrating.

because i know that nothing will happen again to what i feel. it's 99.9% impossible for him to see me for who i am and appreciate it. because he's of "a different kind" and of "a different level". because i'm not the socialite type of girl. because i don't wear skinny jeans and make-up, and iron-twirl my hair. because i can never be his type. and i never will be. i refuse to change for cause of love.

so frustrating. *cry*