i miss you so much. I hope youre not falling apart, like i probably would if i were in your situation. I hope youre still strong. I hope you could know that im just here for you, and even though i do not ask, even though i do not directly go to you to comfort you maybe, i hope you would know that you can always talk to me if youre tired and just want to let the stress out. If youre frustrated. If youre worried. Im just here for you. I hope you can see that. I hope you dont spread yourself too thin for others. I hope youre okay yourself.

Maybe you find me ridiculous...
If you ask about someone but treat them as acquaintance (maybe), sometimes even coldly, then... you must be trying to uncover something different. Something you can use as one of your comedy routines during get togethers.
This is my paranoia speaking, but i'm pretty sure there's something else besides simple curiosity. Not necessarily embarrassing, but definitely something else.

Im currently in seda hotel nuvali.
And i wish i could share the sights, the smells, the rain, the cold, the food, and my reactions with you.
I wish i could tell you how delicious the omelette was, and how boring the bread was, possibly needing a little spice or tanginess to it, how cold it is, how far i could walk and explore, how blind i felt when i removed my glasses to clean off the moist, how i wish i could walk my own path through the whole solenad sections (or maybe if you were with me, we could walk together, and be curious together).
I just keep wishing...

I did it, self. I did it again. I'm sorry. I'm so wrong in the head.

i have half the mind to greet you, but i don't want to cling to you too much. it does not look hopeful anyway.



pfah.



11.56.



i wish you would somehow remember me. even a tiny little bit of remembrance. a tiny bit of the monstrosity that exists in me. i wish...

you put so many clues out that if he wanted to, if he was interested, he'd have easily found out long ago.



but it's not the case. so, yeah, your rose-tinted glasses are only gonna make you see blood. nothing nice here, really.

I know you talk about me. It's just very obvious and i've caught you several times. And it's cute that you do. I don't think it's the backstabbing sort either, unless you're so lucky that i've never caught you in those times yet. So thanks, and it's gotten me curious about what you talk about too. And i don't know if that's supposed to be normal. What i mean is, sometimes i wish i just wasn't aware of these things, so that i wouldn't be so goddamned confused, because what you do sends a bunch of mixed signals to me.
I'd... i'd like to verbally call you my Heart, but there's the scare that, maybe i should not. That it's probably much more appropriate, practical and realistic not to. Which it is. Which is why i want to let go of this already. But it's harder than i wish it to be. Everything reminds me of you.
Can i just send my blog links to you? Just to let you know without having to explain things face-to-face. Lol. I'm a coward.

A depressed mess during christmas. Great. Wish you are here. But youre not. And you dont even seem to feel anything. I mean what the hell am i even wishing for. Im not reasonable.

Just about sleeping but brain fighting it and me struggling with both "sides"
Thinking of you
Imagining scenarios where we have gone past our barriers and frolic like kids whenever wherever. The laughs would be endless and for childish reasons
I still remember you acting a dance in the Manila FAME event just to tell about how energized the music is hahaha
I wish i was as not-anxious as you are. I wouldnt exactly say confident as it comes off a little negative and youre still rather humble
I wish... i wish things like this can be easily discussed like just over lunch or just at a time when you crossed each others paths on the way to the other room
Oh, thank you for the gift, as well. I wonder what MFY means but possibly just cash code. (Im gonna go check a human nature store now lolol)
Umm
The problem with a mind like mine is i tend to choose realities that indicate how inferior i am
Like i imagine that the gift set was just a gift to maybe your mom or sister and they didnt like it so off the house it goes and into my hands
Im a useless twat. Useless worthless PITA. When i stop working... people will probably just forget that i exist lol. Which is kinda nice and... no, it's not nice. It never was is or will be nice.
And
You'll be one of the first to not find anything missing or out of the ordinary

Looking at the editor and not knowing what to type lol

I kinda wanna get drunk for the first time and just cry-laugh everything away.

My feelings for you haven't changed, though i'm actively choosing to just push your presence aside, keep my brain focused on other things.

Nights before bed are the bane of my perseverance and intention.

I still think of you. You and that preppy sweater this tuesday. Jiving with the 2nd anniversary of my affections. But it really doesn't mean anything in relation to my thoughts. There's no proof that there's any connection. You're not giving me any proof, and... well. It's not really something i'd presume probable to happen, so unless you move by yourself, there's nothing to wait for...

My brain just isn't taking this very well. At all. And it's taking so much effort to try to push my thoughts aside. And umm... i'm just... i feel neglected, kinda. Yeah. Quite. For a long while now.