not sure what i feel. or if im feeling.

ive no motivation to do anything. not even play. i just wanna sleep.

my mind (my other self?) is telling me to do something. to practice drawing again. to build what i want in subnautica. to go back to that online work thing and study it again. future something something. wanting to change my life and how to start and sustain it. even exercise. i tell myself i wanna go back to yoga, but im too lazy for it.

i dunno. i don't see much of a point to any of these anyway.

it's like im waiting for the situation to change, thinking i might change as well, but knowing deep down that i won't, esp. because even if some things go away, something else will immediately take their place, and my attention.

i think life, or the act of, is silly. we keep trying to "be productive", to what end? everything boils down to survival, dunnit? even those who study philosophy and science, they're like, "i wanna learn", "i wanna influence/improve how the world thinks", but eventually it's only 1 of 2 things: they wanna prolong life in totality, or they wanna leave a lasting impression.

we're all vying for an infinity that either won't happen, or will happen and result in a less ideal lifescape...