Things are slowly breaking apart. Everything is. I don't want anything to do with anyone anymore. Friends, sure. Some close pals. But anything involving commitment is a goddamned curse. Platonic or romantic. It's a damned curse. It's not like anyone's trying anyway. I think no one likes or needs my presence either, but I'm thinking it should now go both ways. From them, and now, maybe from me too.
Maybe that's why i was tagged a user back then. Maybe they think i'm being needy yet not there. It's never good to be reliant. On anyone. Once you build something up, they expect you to always be there too. And i know that i havent been like that. Im just not sure when. I never intended for things to be one-sided, but what i intended was that we be there for each other when it is needed, when the sitch calls for it. Maybe i havent been there, or i havent let my presence feel that way, and maybe she thinks shes done it for me. Im sorry if i was a disappointment. Im a horrible friend haha. Im never there. And it's all coming back to me. And i don't want this... (unintentional) rejection anymore. If i can't do my part as a friend, what more something else, and as it is, i shouldve known to expect the same treatment from others too. It's not their fault. It's mine, from the start.