why do i have to be attracted to the wrong guy?



or, is there a wrong guy?



anyway. i just feel... like a total loser. like... i'm not... i'm not worth knowing or... i dunno. encouraging? helping get out of her shell? or even just... talking with??



i do talk with friends, and have some deep conversations with different people. umm... i dunno. what am i missing? how can i be more... interesting, perhaps? less awkward? less... maybe even narcissistic? (because yeah i think i may have a small streak of it. i'm not sure. it's confusing to keep second guessing myself and my intentions. and try to analyze the reasons behind what and who i like, or need.)



i'm just wondering why some people seem to have a good hold of their lives, and others are willing to share with it and share themselves with these people. what do they have that i don't have? or what do i have that they don't have? what makes me so abnormal? why do i feel unneeded?



why is it that... i see him to be an important person, in himself and to me, and he's in troubled times right now, and i think... i think the burden is wearing him out exponentially, physically mentally and emotionally, and i want him to know that i'm just here to listen, or just be here, for him, i do not want for anything else besides being his confidante maybe, i'm not even expecting any more than that because that feels too unrealistic... but i feel like he doesn't need me..?



it's same as during high school when i just wanted to help a fellow diabetic but i feel like i'm being rejected outright..?



what the fuck is wrong with me???