so uhh...



it kinda looks like we've both built walls around ourselves.



we're both just knocking on shells, it looks.



or maybe just me, only me who's knocking.



you've prolly no idea but you've been fitting into my thoughts really well. i mean, even my slice-of-life dreams include you. kinda worrisome, kinda mind-boggling, kinda happy. but also heartbreaking, because it looks like it'll just be in my dreams. at least for now. if things don't change.



kinda hoping they change, in a good way. but i'm also not sure if this is something i'm willing to risk.



i mean, i wish it would be an easy transition, a natural one, not the sort where i'd (we'll) suddenly feel the pressures of friendship, relationship, reliance etc. emphasis on pressure.



i'm thinking this way even though i don't even know if i'll be welcome to you haha. i'm leaping great distances. i might need to run back lots more.



i don't want to think about you anymore. that same not-want as i knew i'd keep feeling as long as i feel for you.



i wish i could just flick a switch and everything would be back to normal. acquaintances as acquaintances.



no, really, 3+ years and still acquaintances, it feels.



pfah. too much hope. it's already starting to cost me my happiness. kinda like a huge investment. it returns, but does not return in 150%. only like 10-20%. then takes everything back.