only a little less than 4mos more until this rounds out to a year.



i've been keeping my feelings a secret for 8mos+ now.



no one else can know. especially in the office. it would be drastic.



at the same time, it is pathetic to think that, 9mos, and still nothing. no strength to speak of it. no gall. so, no progress. no regress. no nothing. just a static noise, a background hum to my ongoing life. i'm kind of hoping he notices it, but at the same time, i'm afraid of him noticing it.



it might not be possible, i mean i'm pretty sure now that it isn't, but i still l



why do i pause whenever i'm thinking of typing out "love"



maybe i'm too scared to put any of this in writing. maybe it's not yet as ripe for the picking as i think it is.



but still, he is precious to me.