I cannot keep myself calm and unthinking!!!
I'm sleepy, I just want to sleep. I just want to forget you, you secure piece of shit you.
Jesusssss make this stop. I don't want to develop feelings anymore!!!
I just want life to be calm and quiet now. I don't want butterflies anymore. Butterflies that only serve to deepen the depression afterward. I don't want them anymore. I don't want anything to do with love anymore. It always just leaves. It never granted me what, I think, I deserve. And now it's a new guy. It's only ever going to happen again. I mean really, it's most probably just me developing feelings for him, and it probably isn't even mutual.
We talked earlier, he even initiated it. But look at me: an idiot!!! I don't know how to respond, how to keep the conversation going. I don't know how to keep him. How much more am I supposed to even let him know my feelings? There's just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy too many obstacles... including my nature... T^T