i mean, seriously mang. not even a week. not even a friggin week. i don't even know anything beyond his profession and his first name and what he looks like in his friggin RN uniform. i'm even just guessing what his age is.
IT IS FUCKING STUPID. AND RETARDED. OKAY?
plus the fact that he has seen how i look like when i don't get baths for 2days while stuck in the hospital and
and being the nurse that he is, he constantly smells like the beautiful mild smell of evaporated alcohol. which means he is clean as fudge. just like any other nurse.
and and... and i acted kinda stupid during the last time he talked to me while we were still confined in the hospital. he was asking if i still had fever, and i just shook my head to say no while looking at him, and looked away instantly.
and... just... guh. i'm so... so amateur at this... so shy and stupid... and i'm struck like this. and i can't even defend my infatuation to myself. i just can't. there's just no logical explanation for it. at all.
i think my mind may have just been drugged during that 1 week stay. and my thinking might have gotten slightly affected. you know how dreams can be such big influences? maybe just like that.
i do still remember, though, that little contact when he took off the air bubbles coming from the newly installed IV bottle. he was using an injection for it, to sip out the air bubbles from the tubing before they reach my bloodstream. it just happened that his hands touched mine during the duration of the air removal. and i still remember it. and his hands were beautiful. just beautiful.
i should stop this.
i let him away.
i wish i could just see a bit of reason to let go of him. like, maybe if i learn that he has a girlfriend, or a wife. or that he has different preferences. my mind can be talked out of this. i just need reasons to say goodbye. if there are no reasons, it might be quite some time before i forget him.
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