i don't know what i feel o_O

oh crap.

i keep waiting for you, do you know that? i keep waiting and waiting and suddenly you're gone.

i'm afraid to be left alone in a snap, while in the middle of something, and not being told that i'll be alone for long, maybe forever.

(crap. i'm blogging again. this means something...)

i wish that if you're just playing with how i feel, that you'd tell me outright. so i won't hold on to anything. i don't want to do that again. it's terrifying, the consequences. traumatic even. and it's altogether sad.

i might be silent, but it doesn't mean that my mind doesn't notice anything or that i don't feel anything. i have a problem with expression. not a problem, just an incapacity. it's not my nature to speak out loud. but it's my nature to care and worry. it's my nature to be concerned. it's my nature to love unconditionally.

i hope to turn my nature into a gift, not a curse. please help me. or even don't. but please don't degrade me. please don't make me shed tears for the same reason again and again. i don't want to feel that anymore.