I FUCKING CRIED WHEN SOMEONE TOLD ME: "ate ang bait mo po."

MY GOD. WHATEVER IS HAPPENING TO ME.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kaya ka pala apektado XDDD

my song is love, is love unknown.
and i've got to get that message home.

- coldplay, a message

*buntong hininga*

for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.


fuck health.

-----

im tired, uninspired, unmotivated, emotional, sad, slow, lifeless, boring, dull.

i lack confidence.

if i had confidence, i don't know where to invest it in.

i'm sick, frail, like a biscuit gone dry. one fall and i'm cracked. i can't be baked again, and dunking me in milk only leaves me going with the circular flow of it, all the while in crumbles.

i am a destroyed being.

how can i be built again when... i refuse to?

what happiness is there that i can hope for when i can pretty much see what will happen in my future?

it's something i cannot refuse or pay others to do it for me. it's my responsibility.

they probably thank God that i have some brains. well, i am almost blaming God that i am frail too. i suppose it's an exchange for my abilities.

so.

"fair" and "just" my ass.

i hate you. you're too friendly.

i can't discern what's real or not.

...and something like a hug? or maybe a sweet dreams?

bah. garbage thoughts.

i suppose i was too eager to be receptive that at first i didn't notice it was your general treatment to all. but... i guess i know now.

it ceased. just like that. it ceased.

it didn't even go through the "ceasing" or "ceases". it just ceased.

are you sending me signals? or am i just assuming again?

heart-warming, but feel-doubting.

shit i'm a certified FAIL at this. i have seen myself act so shallow before on that one occassion that lasted several months. i mean, really, looking back, THAT WAS SO STUPID. THAT WAS SO FRAIL OF ME. but that was also meaningful, tragic, and traumatizing.

i'll NEVER forget that. ever.

and i don't want that to happen again.

to look for affection or attention... it's a case of insecurity and longing. a veil over the real needs of a person. it becomes a translucent cover on the eyes of the beholder, and spells out "love" on the wrong word.

it's a case of clear dyslexia. where the reader knows that what she's reading is wrong, but cannot decipher the right word, cannot coax it out.

i am having a case of clear dyslexia. when will i be free of this film that promises wrong in the mask of right?

sometimes it's better to know a person first before seeing them in person. makes overcoming impressions easier.