there's a lingering emptiness everyday...

i don't know what i want but i don't want a lot of things.

i only want to be, to do what i love. to find what i love.

it feels like being in a bubble.

where trying to knock on other people's doors only results in rejection.

while other people are forcefully trying to enter that bubble, but they are not welcome.

it's like i know how to be but i don't want to be because of prying, judging eyes.

it's like not finding my home.

it's living in someone else's bubble, and while that is not something i totally hate, it's also something that feels like a burden. and i feel guilty and selfish for feeling this way.

but i'm also so, so tired of living this way.

it also feels too late to change. but i know that one day i will be forced to change, and by then i think i might already be too jaded to happily accept these changes. that's pretty scary.

25minutes to a new year.