I've been thinking. Been going to the hosp chapel to think.
I'm more scared about how things will go at home. I feel like padre's gonna be too pushy and mudra... well...
I've been feeling like this glass filled 5/8 with water and being continuously semi-boiled... like hot water but not hot enough to evaporate, and def not cold enough to freeze or settle.
It's honestly tiring.
For the nth time i wished that someone would just be there to catch me or support me.
I have a lot of support though, as in i can see all of em right now, and im grateful.
But you know when sometimes you make stupid blunders and you wish someone was there to watch and laugh with you afterwards... or cry with you, or comfort you, or bring some other perspective while being fully enlightened on all the happenings, and that it would be that kind of mutual support for each other through everything. I wish for that a lot.
You know i wish that during some of my solo thinking travels, someone would find me and just, plainly, understand. And i wish i could do the same for him.
I know that this sudden change is not about me.. and it does make me feel rather selfish for still having this kind of mindset... but sometimes you just want someone to be there in your time of need... and this is one of those times. And... yeah. Through all the support that i've gotten, i still feel like something is missing, and it's more emphasized at the moment...