I dont know what to write down.
A long drawn sigh would feel most appropriate and be most appropriate in sending a message. The message.

We're not close. We're... we're not even really talking for chrissakes. The thing about being able to talk to someone about anything, from fixing the faucet to the best napkin brands to the best haircuts to the best movies to salt and pepper beards to life being an absolute asshole or an absolute darling... that doesn't seem to want to happen to us.

Or i dunno. Maybe i just really turn you off. Haha. Yeah. Would take up a huge part of the equation.

I'm... i feel unacceptable, somehow. No matter how i strive to better myself. I still feel unacceptable. Still stupid, still stiff, still... phew.

If you see me crying, would you understand? Would you hear all of this? Or maybe you'll just be like, omg you're such a shallow girl why are you even dwelling in this haha, add some generic words of encouragement.

I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to keep thinking and not deliver, not reciprocate, not be someone someone would understand and have the patience for, anymore...