i always feel as if i need to change to be accepted. as if i have to make efforts for people to include me in what they do, or at least to make me their friend.
it's like an innate response to neglect. i don't want to change, i don't want to be what they want me to be, and yet it comes to my head to do so.
i'm trying my hardest to keep from being like that. i don't want people to see me as someones else, then later on put me off just because i'm showing my real side. being accepted NEEDS to be effortless. there is a difference between being a friend and belonging.
what use is it to be branded as a social butterfly when you can't keep the brand anyway? or... not necessarily a social butterfly, even just being branded as belonging to a certain group.
i mean... it's like you're a cow, and you'd have to belong to a certain clan to be "branded" and singed with hot iron. i don't see the benefit at all. what, that you'd be protected from the pack of wolves? no. the farmer gets to keep himself safe while you see your group mates being eaten by the wolves, and wonder when your time to be eaten will come. add to that, you don't really have the feelings of companionship and brotherhood for the group, only for yourself. so.. do you mourn? no you don't. you'll probably only mourn after you've been bitten.
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