i can very much relate to Tessa Wells from the book Rosary Girls. The author/murderer's viewpoint of her is something of a loner trying to belong to a circle of friends. i think i am like that because at other times, i am clearly left out. im not blaming my friends for this. im not putting any responsibility towards them about not 'seeing' me or sumthing. i think its all because i just dont belong to their group of interest. there are times when i think that it would be best for me to become a hermit of some sort. obviously that would mean cutting out all my contact to the outside world, but then i also cant keep away from computers and the internet. if only i could be something else. not another person. i actually would want to become a wandering soul, something that goes along floating around the world, enjoying sanctity and solemnity on my own. looking at things as people have never seen them before.
so i guess i really am much more a loner, and i think im enjoying it very much.
yes. that's true.. you're not alone in feeling such. most people feels the same eventhough they don't show it. Most people are loners. Everyone PRETENDS to be in a group. But none really is a part of it. It is hard to trust people..even to share your problems to them. They have their own problems and that why should you share them your's, ne? however, we all need company.. sometimes we feel sad and alone even when with friends, but we can't let go of those people who seem to neglect us. why? because we need a person to be with us. not necessarily to chat, laugh or even cry at them.. just simply be with them. even when it feels that there are walls between you and your friends..
ReplyDeleteyes, i agree with that now that i have learned what loneliness is about. it's actually about being "alone" literally. having no one else around, whether an acquaintance or not. and i have felt "alone" when i was left alone in the house during my mom's recovery period after her operation. it felt good, but it also felt bad.
ReplyDeletethanks for reflecting with me :)