Welp. The fact that i can't find you frustrates me cos it makes me feel like a failure lol. But i can't even remember/i'm not even sure what your surname is. And the thing is, i don't think i'll ever see you again...
Guess i just have to condition my mind to stop now.

Don't know how to find you.
Can't even remember your (exact) surname.
Ah, frustrating.

gusto ko lang po umiyak at magmakaawa na matapos na sana to kasi parang di sya natatapos saka di ko makita kung anong ending.. andami kong kailangang isipin tapos ayaw pa nito mawala sa inaalala ko. ayaw matapos. ayaw gumaling... pero parang di naman alam ng mga nakapaligid sakin kung gano kalalim yung pagod ko. parang sa lahat ng oras naka-abang ako sa masamang pangyayari, kasi anytime pwedeng mangyari. biglang liko. biglang bagsak. biglang icu. biglang himatay. biglang di makausap ng maayos.

i can't commit to anything because somehow something else will always get in the way.
maybe it's easy for some to say "let them be, not your problem", but that's almost always not the case...

i feel like life is not working with me.
maybe as when you put a piece of metal to the anvil and hammer it to form... i guess i'm full of impurities that aren't necessarily tough to mold. just blockage upon blockage in me that i can't let go.
i have an idea of the life i want, but it is pictured in pieces. jigsaw pieces that have yet to be filtered to know which ones fit the whole. no assurance that the fitting pieces would complete the pictured life.

i'm just tired of being disappointed, i guess.

Im just selfish.

i think im having an emotional breakdown of sorts.

I can feel my heart laboring more and more.
I don't want to fight this anymore. I just want to be done with it all.

Kelan ba ko matatapos

Dreamed of you. Projecting too, i guess.