i can't commit to anything because somehow something else will always get in the way.
maybe it's easy for some to say "let them be, not your problem", but that's almost always not the case...

i feel like life is not working with me.
maybe as when you put a piece of metal to the anvil and hammer it to form... i guess i'm full of impurities that aren't necessarily tough to mold. just blockage upon blockage in me that i can't let go.
i have an idea of the life i want, but it is pictured in pieces. jigsaw pieces that have yet to be filtered to know which ones fit the whole. no assurance that the fitting pieces would complete the pictured life.

i'm just tired of being disappointed, i guess.

Im just selfish.

i think im having an emotional breakdown of sorts.

I can feel my heart laboring more and more.
I don't want to fight this anymore. I just want to be done with it all.

Kelan ba ko matatapos

Dreamed of you. Projecting too, i guess.

I kind of wanna hear from you but im also pretty sure i won't
So
I dunno
It's like... reliving a heartbreak
Every season

Maybe some day someone will see my worth.
But maybe i won't be there to receive it anymore.
False, one-sided hopes stemming from desperation.

Maybe this blog should end now, since there's nothing to put in it anyway.
Maybe things are at their peak already in my life. Maybe it's better to just be this way, seeing how i am right now. Maybe i wouldn't be able to handle anything more.
My life looks like repeating segments, days, and they only change during important, uncontrollable circumstances. But not when i want them to. Not when i will them to. If i even get to will them.
I'm just tired of fighting. Of feeling bad and angry over everything. Of feeling left out by my own self, my own ideas. Of feeling like nothing's happening with my life. Maybe that's just what it's ever going to be.