Dreamed of you. Projecting too, i guess.

I kind of wanna hear from you but im also pretty sure i won't
So
I dunno
It's like... reliving a heartbreak
Every season

Maybe some day someone will see my worth.
But maybe i won't be there to receive it anymore.
False, one-sided hopes stemming from desperation.

Maybe this blog should end now, since there's nothing to put in it anyway.
Maybe things are at their peak already in my life. Maybe it's better to just be this way, seeing how i am right now. Maybe i wouldn't be able to handle anything more.
My life looks like repeating segments, days, and they only change during important, uncontrollable circumstances. But not when i want them to. Not when i will them to. If i even get to will them.
I'm just tired of fighting. Of feeling bad and angry over everything. Of feeling left out by my own self, my own ideas. Of feeling like nothing's happening with my life. Maybe that's just what it's ever going to be.

I think i like you because my immediate first impression is you are a gentle, quiet soul with decency. The way you answered questions clearly and explained patiently, and did your job in a not-lazy manner (i don't know what it's called, but i could see that you weren't doing the job just for the sake of doing it / barely the minimum). I don't know if it's plain training but i think there's at least some actual character in there. And finding you, you really do seem a decent guy. At least from what i can check. And you're also cute. I don't know how people see you, but i'm proud that you're working a job where you have to meet people face to face, knowing they could easily insult or throw jokes at you. That was my instant interpretation too, which made me think that "that" is cute rather than odd. It became a quirk rather than a hindrance. I appreciate that very much. Yeah, i think you're okay. And um.. i think i'm further down that line. Nothing exceptional, or to be proud of. So... yeah. I guess i admire you for that, and in comparison.

I can't do anything about it. Jfc. I just hope the antibiotic starts taking effect soon. And the fucking hiccups go away because WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS A JOKE TO YOU??!?? IM SO FUCKING ANGRY I CAN'T DO ANYTHING

I want to go..

Just a short moment of sanity

I dreamed of you again. But i think it’s because of that prince charming person in the video lol, with the nice but fake teeth. Which my brain gave to you. Bollocks.

Im just so tired.

Wish there was someone i could run and cry to without feeling like a weakling.

Having body pains myself. And at a time when i can’t afford to have em.