floating again in a deep, dark sea

and ominous clouds

and no land in sight

tease of light from impending storms
immeasurable distances that stretch or shrink in the flashes of lightning
when will it end?
i want it to end, but also not to

two steps forward and two steps back

the ground being whittled away by my feet

in anticipation and dread of seeing the bloody sun

but it's like...

what do you draw when you're empty?

I just miss you tonight.
For some reason i think of you as a source of comfort. Like you would immediately understand my thoughts and emotions, no questions needed. If there is someone i'd like to be there just for their presence, it would be you.
But maybe im just imagining things. Imposing my expectations on your image.

Fall in love with a different world to shield myself from the reality that my life is going nowhere...

Depressed state again. Would it be good to have the injectable birth control pill for this?
Then again, maybe id just feel the disappointment more, being in the should-be-happy state more often...
DA2's Tranquil concept showed up again recently. Wish i could just get into that state.

Dreamed that you had died and cried in my dream, even though i also "met your partner" in there

Welp. The fact that i can't find you frustrates me cos it makes me feel like a failure lol. But i can't even remember/i'm not even sure what your surname is. And the thing is, i don't think i'll ever see you again...
Guess i just have to condition my mind to stop now.

Don't know how to find you.
Can't even remember your (exact) surname.
Ah, frustrating.

gusto ko lang po umiyak at magmakaawa na matapos na sana to kasi parang di sya natatapos saka di ko makita kung anong ending.. andami kong kailangang isipin tapos ayaw pa nito mawala sa inaalala ko. ayaw matapos. ayaw gumaling... pero parang di naman alam ng mga nakapaligid sakin kung gano kalalim yung pagod ko. parang sa lahat ng oras naka-abang ako sa masamang pangyayari, kasi anytime pwedeng mangyari. biglang liko. biglang bagsak. biglang icu. biglang himatay. biglang di makausap ng maayos.

i can't commit to anything because somehow something else will always get in the way.
maybe it's easy for some to say "let them be, not your problem", but that's almost always not the case...