Im not sure what is bugging me more: that i miss him or that my dad could possibly have a tumor.

I know, if anyones reading this, you'd prolly be thinking "on what book would those 2 even get on the same level of seriousness??"

Im well aware of that.

Im kind of surprised at how im reacting to dad's findings. I'm imagining glimpses of life before, during and after his surgery. The many possibilities. One of em being he might not make it. Another being he might need chemotherapy for a long time. The best one would be that he would go thru with it, prolly need several days in the hosp, then house rest for a while, and go back to his old routine.

I'm, of course, sticking to the last one. But as i have written, i know it could go another way, a worse way.

I also know that he's distraught. Could clearly see it in his face and hear it in his voice. I know he's scared. And i don't know how to comfort him because i don't want him to keep hoping for a good outcome. I want it to be realistic for him. I don't want to trick him into thinking everything will be fine, 100% sure, then let the unfolding events possibly pull him downwards.

I know hes smart enough to know what's going on. So im just gonna be here for him. And hope that things turn out smoothly and well.

And this is why im ranking this current problem with my missing you. It's only because i don't yet want to believe that things are going downhill. Thats all.

And it made me think, if you were active now, whether i would approach you to tell you everything...
I dont think i would, simply because it's not my nature. But... it would be nice if you knew, and you'd be there for me too...