just feeling so... down. negatively placid.
and tired, overall.
i just wish things were so simple. a no is a no, a yes is a yes, and a wait means a yes but not now.
and umm... dunno. i just hate myself. this isn't an emo sort of thing ok. it's just... i hate that i have to live with myself. hate that i was born like this. it's not an angry, raging kind of hate. it's just... just hate. just don't like. i feel very inadequate. like my life and my being is the epitome of things that should have been done, but weren't done.
i'm pretty disappointed with myself. somehow. i think i can do better things, but when that situation comes, where i need to do my best, it's like my best is... just so average. just so unspecial. it's just something other people would maybe look at once and then pass by, or maybe not even look at.
i just don't feel fulfilled or able to fulfill what i want. what my brain wants. it's like a lot of things are stopping me. lots of both existing and nonexisting things. i don't want those limits, but i feel like i'm limiting myself.
bah. enough of this shit.
Hugs for you Bern. You are precious and you are valued. :) there are just some things that don't go our way and sometimes (or most of the times) it's really disappointing. But then we just have to go on and live life, knowing that God have the best plan for us.. We just need to pursue Him. :) I believe in you, Bern. :)
ReplyDeletethank you miiitch *hugs*
DeleteTBH i look up to you because you're always so motivated with whatever you do, or intend to do. i'm personally finding it hard to motivate myself to do anything. i tend to disappoint myself a lot lol. i don't know if it's my standards that need changing or i'm just too... average? too safe? i dunno. i think it might just be my mindset that needs changing.